Friday, December 30th, 2011

*Customer is finishing a transaction at the register.*

Customer:  Do you guys accept cards?
Employee:  We take Visa and Mastercard.
Customer:  So can I use my Visacard?
Employee:  ...We take Visa and Mastercard.
Customer:  Oh okay then.

*Customer rummages through his oversized wallet for a few seconds.*

Customer:  Can I pay in Canadian currency?

*The customer thumbs through his wallet which contains thousands of dollars in Canadian currency.*

Employee:  No, only American money.

*He switches to a different pocket of the large wallet which contains only American 100 dollar bills.*

Customer:  How about hundreds?
Employee:  That's...fine.

*The total transaction was less than 20 American dollars.*

Thursday, December 22nd, 2011

*Customer approaches register.*

Employee:  Hello.

Customer:  Hi!

Employee:  How are you today?

Customer:  28.

Sunday, December 18th, 2011

Customer:  Excuse me sir.
Employee:  Yes?
Customer:  Will the cases for the iPhone 4 fit the iPhone 4S?
Employee:  Yep all the cases for the 4 fit the 4S.
Customer:  But they're different sizes.
Employee:  The iPhone 4 and 4S are the same size actually.
Customer:  No.  They arn't.
Employee:  Yep, they have the exact same case really.
Customer:  No!  They're different sizes so this won't fit.
Employee:  I assure you, all of these cases will in fact fit the 4S.
Customer:  No they wont!  They arn't the same size.  They changed it!
Employee:  Okay, you're right.  They won't fit.

Thursday, December 15th, 2011

*An employee notices his manager placing packing tape along the corners of several metal cages containing items on the floor of the store*

Employee:  Are these falling apart or something?
Manager:  Nope.
Employee:  Then why are you taping them?
Manager:  Some lady says her child cut himself on one of them.
Employee:  That sucks, but I still don't understand why that means you need to tape them.
Manager:  She demanded to know what I was going to do about how dangerous they were.
Employee:  ...really?

*At this point the employee begins to run his hand over the corners of the displays that are not yet taped to see how sharp they actually are.  As he is doing so a customer runs over to the employee and manager.*

Customer:  DON'T MAKE FUN!
Employee:  Excuse me?
Customer:  DO NOT MAKE FUN OF IT!
Employee:  What??
Customer:  I am a registered nurse!!!
Employee:  Okay?
Customer:  You can get TETANUS from that!!!
Employee:  I was just seeing how sharp they were since-
Customer:  Do NOT make fun.  My child could have gotten seriously hurt!

*The customer stares as angrily as possible at the employee and manager for several seconds before storming off.*

Tuesday, December 13th, 2011

Customer:  Excuse me, do you guys have pillow pets?

Employee:  Yea they are on the far wall behind you, near the gift bags.

Customer:  No no, I'm looking for pillow pets.

Employee:  Yea, like I said they're right over there.

Customer:  No, I'm looking for the pillows that are shaped like animals.

Employee:  ...Yes, pillow pets right?

Customer:  Yes those.

Employee:  Okay, they are right there in the display attached to the wall behind you.

Customer:  Not those, I want pillow pets.

Employee:  That is the only place we have pillow pets stocked.  If you would just turn around and look on the wall over there you will see them.

*This whole time the customer has refused to turn around and actually look where the employee is explaining that the item is.  After some more back and forth, the customer eventually turns around and looks at the wall where the employee has been pointing to for the entire conversation.*

Customer:  Oh yep, those are them.  Thanks!

Thursday, December 1st, 2011

*Customer is finishing a transaction at the register*

Customer:  You guys take cards right?
Employee:  Yea, we take Visa and Mastercard.
Customer:  Oh...well mine is a Chase.

Saturday, November 27th, 2011

Customer:  Excuse me, do you work here?
Employee:  Yep!  What's up?
Customer:  I'm looking for something my niece wants.
Employee:  Okay, what is it called?
Customer:  I don't actually know.
Employee:  ...Alright, no problem.  What does it look like?
Customer:  I'm not actually sure.
Employee:  ...uhm
Customer:  Wait!  I think it's called...something like...squizzles.
Employee:  Well...we don't carry anything named exactly that.  Can you maybe tell me anything else about it?
Customer:  Hm...

*After some further inquisition, the customer finally reveals that she knows that the item she is looking for "comes with a bunch of them in a pack"*

Employee:  Well, we have something in the store called Squinkies.  Could that be them?
Customer:  What are they? Can I see?

*Employee escorts the customer over to where the Squinkies are located and presents her with a pack.*

Customer:  No...I don't know...but I don't think these are them.
Employee:  Well then I'm sorry but I'm really not sure what you are looking for.

*The Customer goes to place back the pack of Squinkies from where the employee retrieved them.  She notices a nearby pack of the same item but in a different color and picks it up.*

Customer:  Oh look!  These are called Squinkies!  This might be them!
Employee:  ......Yea...Might be them...
Customer:  Oh okay thanks. I'm just going to call my sister and make sure these are what they are called.

Sunday, November 13th, 2011

*A customer holding a leather phone case that clips to a belt or waistband approaches an employee.*

Customer:  Does this case rotate?
Employee:  No it doesn't.
Customer:  It looks like it rotates.
Employee:  Yea they all kind of look like that but they don't actually move.
Customer:  No I am pretty sure it rotates.
Employee:  All of the cases we have now are fixed in a single position.  I assure you, this does not rotate.
Customer:  No no, I am sure it rotates.  Look this is what is keeping it from rotating.

*The customer shows the employee a ziptie that is attaching the phone to its plastic casing.*

Employee:  No sir, that just keeps it fastened to the packaging.  It cannot rotate because the clip is securely attached to the main part of the case with a rivet.
Customer:  No look, it rotates.

*At this point the customer attempts to force the case to turn independently of the clip attached to it.  Since they are permanently attached, nothing happens.*

Employee:  The case really doesn't rotate.  It's permanently attached to the clip.
Customer:  NO NO.  That isn't keeping it from moving!  It rotates, it's just because of the plastic thing attaching it to the case!!

*This issue was only resolved after the general manager of the store was called over and explained to the customer that he had personally inspected all of the cases in the store recently and that we did not have any cases in the entire store that rotated.*

Saturday, November 12th, 2011

*An employee has just finished ringing up a customer.  The next customer in line is waiting several feet away and proceeds to take her time approaching the counter, since she is the only one waiting in line.  When she is about 2 steps away from the counter, the previous customer (who has since left the line and examined new merchandise in a different area nearby) runs over and jumps in front of the new customer from the opposite direction of the way the line forms.  The employee informs the customer who jumped in that he needed to help the other customer first since she was waiting in line.  The employee finishes with the second customer and now proceeds to assist the initial customer again.*

Customer:  I just want to let you know, I do not think that was right, what you did.
Employee:  Excuse me?
Customer:  That wasn't right, you shouldnda taken her first.
Employee:  I'm sorry but she was next in line.
Customer:  Nuh uh, that wasn't right.
Employee:  Okay.
Customer:  You think I'm just gunna let it happen and not say anything, but NO I'm gunna say something.
Employee:  Okay.
Customer:  I got here FIRST.
Employee:  ...?
Customer:  Maybe if she was 4 steps closer, well THEN maybe it woulda been her turn.  But nope, I got here first, and that just ain't right.
Employee:  ...
Customer:  You know, I don't even care!  Cause I got the love of the LORD in my heart!  So I don't even care, nuhuh.  But I just gotta say something, that just ain't right.


*The employee finishes the transaction as politely as possible while the customer continues to inform him that "It just ain't right, what you did."   After this, the customer found the manager of the store and informed him that the employee working the register was racist against Hispanic people because he helped a white customer first instead of her.*

Monday, October 25th, 2011

*The store has been closed for over an hour and normally all employees would have left at this time, however a few remain in the store due to an overnight stocking plan.  A man in his mid 20s approaches the door to the store which is locked.  He proceeds to pull extremely aggressively at the doors and when they do not budge, he slams on them to get an employee's attention.*

Man: Hey open up!
Employee: We're closed.
Man: I need a phone charger.
Employee: I can't let you in.
Man: Just open the door and I'll give you the money and you can get me the charger.
Employee: Even if I could let you in, the registers are closed.
Man: I bought five chargers from you guys and three of them don't work! I just need one part for them.  Just open the door and I'll give you the money and you can get the cord I need for them.
Employee: I really cant let you in either way.
Man: (Pulling door handles again) Just open the door!
Employee: I can't let you in sir.
Man: Where's the manager, I know the manager!!!

*The general manager of the store happened to be in the store for the overnight shift and was actually approaching the door at this very point to see what was going on.*

Employee: (To Manager) Guy says he knows you.  Know who he is?
Manager: Not a clue.

*The manager goes over to the door. At this point he sees, behind the man, the car he pulled up in. (the parking lot is almost completely empty since all other stores in the complex are closed) It's a beat up old Buick with another same aged male still in the drivers seat with the engine running.*

Manager: What can I do for you?


*The man starts banging on the door and motioning as if he cannot hear the manager.  He then gestures to the door directing the manager to unlock it.*

Manager: I'm not opening the door.
Man: (Cupping his hands against the glass and yelling.)  CAN YOU HEAR ME!?
Manager: (In a normal voice.) Yes.  What do you want?
Man: (Still yelling at the glass) Let me in so I can ask you something!!
Manager: I can hear you fine from here, what do you want?
Man: I bought five phone chargers from you and three don't work and I'm leaving for Pennsylvania tonight and my phone is dead and I really need one tonight right now so can you just let me in.
Manager:  No.
Man: (Again pulling on the door handles violently) Look just let me in!!
Manager: Look, there is really nothing I can do for you.

*The man suddenly gives up pulling on the doors, abruptly turns around and dashes quickly back to his car.*

Manager:  What the fuck was that...

Friday, October 21st, 2011

*Two customers approach an employee while one tries to convince the other to ask him a question.*

Customer: Excuse me sir!

Employee: Yes ma'am?

Customer: Do you have letters?

Employee: Excuse me?

Customer: Do you have letters??

Employee: What...kind of letters?

Customer: You know, like...letters.

Employee: What?

Customer: Letters!

Employee: ...I'm sorry but I don't know what kind of letters you are looking for.

Customer: You know!  Like letters to put on things.

{The customer makes repeated gestures of grabbing something imaginary and placing it against a flat vertical surface.  As if she is placing magnets on a fridge.}

Employee:  I don't think we have what you are talking about.

Customer:  Like letters, to stick on stuff.

{She continues the same gestures.}

Employee: No...I'm sorry I really don't think we have any.

Customer: Darn!

{Customer seems rather upset that we don't carry her "letters".}

Saturday, October 15th, 2011

*Our store runs a fundraiser for St.Jude's Children's Hospital every year for terminally ill children and research for childhood diseases."


Employee: Would you like to make a donation to St. Jude's Children's Hospital?
Customer:  HELL NO!  They should be donating back to me!

Sunday, October 2nd, 2011

*Customer approaches employee holding electronic case clearly labeled Ipod Touch 4G*

Customer (to employee): Will this case fit my Ipod?
Employee:  It will fit any fourth generation Ipod Touch.
Customer:  So...will it fit my Ipod?
Employee:  Do you have a fourth generation Ipod Touch?
Customer:  Yes.
Employee:  Then yes.
Customer:  Well what about this case?  *Presents another clearly labeled case*
Employee:  This case is also for a fourth generation Ipod Touch, so yes it will fit.
Customer:  Well, we just opened it up and it doesn't fit!
Employee:  Are you sure you have a fourth generation Ipod Touch?
Customer:  Yes!
Employee:  Does it have a camera?
Customer:  Uhm...No.
Employee:  Then...you don't have a fourth generation Ipod Touch, and none of these cases will fit.
Customer:  Are you sure???

Thursday, September 29th 2011

Customer 1: "Do you think this case will fit my computer?"

Customer 2: "I don't know, what kind of computer do you have?"

Customer 1: "I have a PC."

Customer 2: "Yeah, it should fit."